Feeling bad about unhappy in relationship?

Yes, we can be happy in relationship ...

We all start out in relationships to feel good.  We stay in relationships that we believe will make us feel good over the long term.

Still, it doesn’t seem to work that way.  Something seems to change, almost without us noticing and one day, we suddenly realize that we have been unhappy in relationship for some time.  I know, because this is what happened to me. And then we notice that our partner is not doing what they said they would, and we start talking about that, and it doesn’t seem to help at all.

And then the fighting and conflict starts. I can remember clearly working out what I wanted to say, and wording it so carefully to make it unoffensive, and still all I got back was a angry retort and no love.  And that made me angry and so I responded in kind, and then we usually went off to our own end of the house and usually did something unhelpful for our self .  I remained muddled in my mind from the conflict, sometimes for days, while nothing good got done.

Still, I managed to turn this around, and fall back in love and once again create a great relationship.  Read on and I will tell you how to end feeling bad about unhappy in relationship and how you can turn your situation around.

Us humans love things that are new.  You can know this is true by thinking about what you talk about most.  We ask “what’s new” and talk about how other people can and should improve, and buy new things and notice new things on or about other people.  We are strongly and innately motivated to improvement.  The thing that I came late to understand, is that most all, we want improvement in our self.

Thinking about the times when I have been feeling best, it is when I have been improving, growing or creating.  Whether that was a relationship, an ability, some results, some things, or my body, these are the times that stand out as the greatest.  How true is this for you?

If we want our relationship to feel like it did in the beginning, we need to put some effort into making some new things happen.  Now this may sound hard, and it can be, fully consider your options.

How hard is it to continue fighting and being in conflict and feeling unhappy in relationship?  Has this trend been staying the same, getting better, or getting worse over time?  Is this trend likely to change with no new action on your part?  Only you will know.

It is easy to tell our self we are tired, or we’ll do it later.  Sure enough, when we tell our self things like that, we feel tired and later never comes except when there is a panic for the undone thing.  And when we talk and act like this, we feel bad about our self, and then we usually treat our self badly by eating junk food, or taking our drug of choice (TV, mindless surfing, shopping, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc).

To end feeling unhappy in relationship, what I did was start taking action. It was small and slow in the beginning. I took little steps and gradually increased them. I started doing small kindnesses for my partner and my children, I started finding things to praise them for, I looked for ways to help them out.

As I did this more and more, and stopped telling them what to do, I started becoming happier and happier with me. And this meant less and less self mistreatment.  And as my happiness continued growing, I started becoming more successful, more fit, and more healthy.

So the key is to get started on improving yourself.  This will feel hard in the beginning, I remember this.  Starting slow and steady is the key. Over time, you will become stronger, get more endurance, became more successful, and get healthier.  And as all of this is coming about, you can notice you are beginning to treat your self better, letting go of self destructive habits.

As you are looking for the good in your partner, praising them wherever you can, and being helpful and kind without being asked, you can notice that the love is once again growing in your relationship.  And as the love is growing, you can stop feeling bad about unhappy in relationship.  And as your relating with your partner is improving, you may also notice yourself loving you more.  What a great feeling that is.

Take care, stay well, have fun!

Stephen Whiteley

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